Sunday, September 22, 2019

Down The Rabbit Hole by Jill Butler


                                    
                                    A man walks in—
                                    I bring him his tea,
                                    Our eyes meet;
                                    I’ve seen these eyes before—
                                    Yours meeting mine,
                                    Laughing while I cry.

                                    The world starts spinning—
                                    I smell you,
                                    Don’t cry.

                                    The whale tattoo on your thigh flashes through my mind—
                                    Breathe.

                                    I hear your voice, “stupid bitch”
                                    And mentally lambast myself for not putting up more of a fight,
                                    Why did I only leave weak little scratches,
                                    Instead of biting, screaming,
                                    Running down the street with your blood on my face,
                                    He can’t hurt you again.

                                    In the bathroom, 
                                    Under the red light,
                                    I look in the mirror—
                                    The girl staring back isn’t me,
                                    I want to kill her.
                                    
                                    I run outside,
                                    Ignoring the drunken howling and laughter,
                                    Music pumping,
                                    Louder
                                    Louder
                                    Louder
                                    The room is spinning,
                                    Get me the hell out.
                                    
                                    I let the door slam behind me,
                                    Feel the late night air on my skin,
                                    Drown myself in cigarette smoke,
                                    I’m fucking insane.

--Jill Butler

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